SHOULD WOMEN CHANGE THEIR NAMES AFTER WEDDING?

(Based on a discussion held in The Dynamite Wives’ Club in 2022)

 

(FOR BIBLICAL WIVES AND BIBLICAL WIVES-TO-BE)

I saw this thread online sometime ago and that was from where this discussion started:

 

THE ONLINE POST SAYS: So one of my friends just divorced the wife four days ago. A marriage of 2 years . What was the issue? It was something very little that matured and loyal minds could tackle. He asked the lady to edit her father’s name in all her handles to their surname since they’re now married. He asked her to get a court affidavit to change even her Bank details, and other stuffs relating to her that bore her father’s name. The lady refused on the grounds that it will ruin her followers, identity and other things. Guy was calm. The Mr and Mrs so so so and so na for only Marriage certificate, no other place. The lady said she’d rather quit than changing her surname. This issue has been going on and on for two years….

 

MRS. YAKS’ SUBMISSION:

From the issue above, I can deduce that:

 

-They are both unbelievers. If they are believers, there wouldn’t be anything like divorce coming up.

 

– The woman is a staunch believer of all these feminism and modern crops of women rights developments. And she is extremely so stubborn. Two years wasn’t even enough to convince the woman. A very good example of a foolish woman pulls her home down with her own hands.

 

– If this issue caused the divorce, I’d say it wasn’t majorly because of the change of name but because of the stubbornness of the woman. Usually, a woman’s stubbornness is enough to break a home. Proverbs 21:19 says: It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarreling and complaining wife. Her stubbornness begat his stubbornness and eventually scattered the marriage.

 

– This is an issue that might have happened in real life but I do not believe that this account is real. I want to believe that it is fictitious. But while answering the question, I will assume that it is real and just make do with the issue as described.

 

 

People have said a lot of things about this issue online and even here. 90% of responses were from ladies and they were all in support of the lady, which is so funny to me.

 

Many of the responses also show to a great level the hatred so many ladies have in their minds as regards the authority that the Lord has empowered a man with😊.

 

This actually revealed to me that our society (even the church) is already unknowingly deeply rooted in strong feminism and hatred for the male gender. We have to be very careful.

 

I would always reiterate that women equality and all these rights fights end at your office or neighborhood. When you come into marriage, your husband is your head. He is your lord. He is your leader.

 

Many ladies want to rule over their men but immediately the man says ‘No, this is my territory. This is how I would love it to be done’, the women get so defensive. They say the men are controlling! Just because the man is resisting her control! But if she is able to control him, she’d say she’s so lucky to get such a submissive man🤣

 

Oh no, we need to go back to the Bible!

 

Here are some things I would love to point out as regards this issue and a few other issues that I have seen from the responses and comments of people on the social media about this issue.

 

 

POINT 1:

LET’S GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING

You know, history is very important😄. And since we are dealing about marriage, it is good to go back to the first marriage ever- the way it was meant to be from the beginning.

 

The Bible says in 1Corinthians 11:9 that “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

 

See, I don’t know if you understand but that man you got married to has authority over you! Yes! Just like, in the same measure Christ has authority over the church, your husband has authority over you.

 

That verse says you were created for that man you got married to. What other authority is greater than that? You are his! He has heavenly, biblical right over you.

 

If you are a Christian and you want to have a glorious, godly home, this has to be registered at the back of your mind. You cannot do it outside of the Lord’s injunction and it will work! Lailai!

 

Also, see, when God created the woman, the Bible says He brought her to the man. Let me show you:

 

Genesis 2:

22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

 

23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

 

Adam, the first man and husband ever, named his wife! He gave her her first name! What authority is greater than this?

 

Genesis 3:20 also says: And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

 

He named his wife again! These days, if our husbands come and say ‘Drop your names in their entirety. I will give you new ones’, we will take them to the courts and human rights would have to intervene because, what audacity! Right?

 

Well, it shouldn’t be that way! Evang. Bamiloye for instances, got married to Idowu but you won’t hear that when his wife introduces herself now. Why? He renamed her! He called her the name he was inspired to name her. Gloria!

 

That was not what her father named her but she didn’t refute it. The wise woman honoured her husband and allowed him have that say, that authority- no wonder the glory of the Lord is upon her today!

 

Gloria Bamiloye- all her husband’s choices!

 

Christian woman, stop being like the women of the world, questioning what authority and right your husband has over you. Stop following the world and start following the Word!

 

Stop following your brain and emotions and start following the Holy Writ!

 

What does the Author of life say about this issue?

 

What does the Creator of marriage say about it?

 

Search the scriptures to know how biblical that idea you read online is, no matter how much it appeals to your emotions!

 

POINT 2

THE UGLY HANDS OF FEMINISM IS SEEN AGAIN

I see so many people say ‘How can she leave her father’s name? The man that gave her all that she needed? The man that raised her? The man that bla bla bla…’

 

And I am left to wonder. When did this start? When did people start resenting taking their husband’s names? Every man in Africa and even beyond, from the beginning of times knows that when his daughter gets married, she is dropping his name. It is a thing of joy. When did we start pitying our fathers and saying we will carry his name along and hyphenate it and bla bla bla?

 

But as I made my research and read the history behind this change, I began to see the ugly handwriting of feminism behind this again and I am like, ‘Oh, you again?’

 

For instance, one of the foremost feminists in Nigeria, Chimamanda Adichie is married but never leaving her father’s name behind because of her feministic beliefs. She teaches that, preaches that and she is a role model to many in that mindset. So, she for example has indirectly passed this thing down. Sad!

 

When you are to get married, you are to leave your father, your mother, your village, your clan, identity and be cleaved to this man! You are to become one flesh with your man!

 

Leave daddy and mummy behind. This is your new daddy and mommy. This is your new lord. This is your new world!

 

These days, so many people are not ready to draw the line, so they keep choosing unnecessary things over their spouses. So many people can literally obey their parents over their husbands. Why? Because they are the parents! And he is just the husband!

 

Dad: Come over and spend the weekend with us.

 

Hubby: Tell dad you’d come next week. The weekend is booked for our…

 

Wife: I can’t say no to my dad. Our own engagement can wait.

 

 

Ugh!

 

Our parents are sooooo special. They deserve every honour but not at the detriment of your husband- Biblically! That is the Word of God! Give them such great care that will not tamper with your own home!

 

We need to understand what we mean by marriage. It is deeper than it seems and I really hope that many understand the covenant they entered into when they said ‘I do’

 

Unfortunately, it is obvious so many people do not!😥

 

Leave to cleave. Not by mouth but in everything.

 

 

POINT 3

MANY REASONS FOR NOT WANTING THE CHANGE ARE MUNDANE!

Ephesians 5:24 says: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands IN EVERYTHING.

 

In everything oooooo.

 

Submit to him in everything. Some people are saying if their fathers are Dangote and Elemelu, would their husbands have them change their names? Well, for me, he wouldn’t even have to tell me. Changing my name does not change the fact that I am still Dangote’s daughter. It only now shows that I am now ready to forsake my papa and his riches to build the best with my husband now.

 

How else can you show your husband that you are submissive to him but by all of this? He didn’t even have to ask, c’mon. This is a cultural thing. And it is a good culture passed down to us. Why the revolt?

 

What are you boasting about sef? In the things of this world that perisheth???

 

I am Adeboye’s daughter

 

I am a PhD holder

 

I am a Canadian

 

I am celebrity.

 

I am a this, I am a that.

 

So, my husband must submit to me because of all of this!!!!! Oh, c’mon!

 

You, the bride are to submit to him in everything!!!!

 

If the table should turn and you are the daughter of a nobody and he is the daughter of a somebody, so, you will happily throw your father’s name away because of that, right? Oh what a generation that place so much importance in things that fade away.

 

What if he says ‘I don’t want us to bear my dad’s name. I want us to bear my own name. So, leave Obama and bear my own name, Dan’ will you revolt and fight that? Because you want to so badly bear Obama?

 

That’s the way the people of the world think. We shouldn’t even think like this at all. We forsake all and submit to our husbands. They do not even have to ask to us. It is something so cultural that any man would look forward to having his woman bear his name. It’s normal. If you are a feminist, marry a feminist man! As simple as that.

 

Some people are of the opinion that the lady in our story today couldn’t change her name on her social media handles because she is a popular person or something. Chai! The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, the pride of life. God have mercy.

 

That was exactly what a few persons said to me before I got married. That since I was a becoming a public figure with thousands of followers that time on Facebook and I was a popular blogger bla bla bla, I should stick to my father’s name or at least hyphenate the names so that people can still recognize me. My family even told me that. I just yinmued the whole idea away.

 

A few of my followers were watching to see what I would do to my names (I have had a number of them tell me this). As soon as I got married, there were comments from a number of them ‘Your name is still the same o…’ bla bla bla.

 

They were obviously watching how I would fix the whole thing.

 

Well, I not only changed the thing, I also ditched my former nickname and coined one from my husband’s surname!

 

Now, the truth is, I didn’t like my husband’s surname. I eewwed the name many times when I got to know he was the one I would be getting married to. But the Holy Spirit told me that if I loved my husband, I must love everything about him. He taught me to accept his name and embrace it. And I gladly did.

 

If you search for Lizzy Oyebola Oyekunle (my maiden name) on Google now, you will see me. And if it is Lizzy Oyebola Yakubu you search for, you will see me. Google automatically rechannels people’s searches and soon, the new name will be embraced by your followers and subscribers. It is not a big deal!

 

If I change my name on Facebook, it does not affect my followers. They are still following me, no problem. The change of name will not unfollow them. And if they even search for me with my old name, Facebook will bring them to me. So, what kind of an excuse is that?

 

She probably doesn’t know how it works or she just doesn’t like her hubby’s surname. That’s a flimsy excuse.

 

 

POINT 4

THE STUBBORNNESS OF PRIDE DESTROYS

I think we all should read that piece again and you would see the lady’s full-blown stubbornness. I wonder why many people overlooked that and only focused on the man. The divorce from the man was too much but it takes two people to get divorced. She decided to cooperate with the divorce. A part of the story even says that ‘The lady said she’d rather quit than changing her surname’ What is the meaning of ‘quit’?

 

I don’t think many people saw that. Even after she said that, you know what the man did? The piece says ‘…Guy was calm’

 

Ahn ahn, as if we don’t know how some ladies can be so quarrelsome, nagging and full of troubles once they have made up their minds. What we see here is not exactly the full gist na. See, to be frank with you, it is difficult to be married to a stubborn, audacious, feminist woman! Ah, it could be soooo frustrating for any man, talk less of an unbeliever.

 

She insisted that ‘I choose my father’s name over you anytime anyday’ ‘I insist I want to stay a married woman only on our marriage certificate and nowhere else’ ‘I choose to live the way I want to live and if you don’t like that, you can as well go to the court’

 

Ahn ahn, you couldn’t leave the name sister, what can you sacrifice for the man then? What can you compromise for the peace of your home? Especially since he likes it. He wants it. He is asking for it.

 

Let’s be realistic here. Many women, even Christians are using stubbornness to run their husbands and homes. It doesn’t end well.

 

 

POINT 5

THE DROPLETS ARE CLEARLY IN THE SCRIPTURES

Many people have said:

 

‘What is so special about the name of the man sef?’ ‘Does it guarantee a happy home?’ ‘Does it change anything?’

 

Well, the husband in this situation wants it. He loves it. He wants his wife to be publicly associated with him.

 

That alone makes it special!

 

That alone is a determining factor of a happy home or a broken home! As we can see how it successfully broke theirs.

 

If your husband wants something and the thing doesn’t make sense to you and you couldn’t convince him to change his mind but you decided to go your own way, not minding him, it is you resisting submission, sisters. It’s not honourable. It is not holy. It is a sin.

 

Now, about it being in the Bible or not. Well, the Bible days had nothing like the name system we now have. We didn’t really hear David Jesse or Jesus Joseph or Cain Adam.

 

But we did have David, the son of Jesse, Abel, the son of Adam ati bee be lo.

 

When the Bible referred to single ladies, it would say, ‘the daughter of so and so’ like in Gen 25:2:

 

And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.

 

But when the Scriptures refered to married women, they were called by their husband’s names.

 

Genesis 24:15- Milcah, the wife of Nahor

 

Genesis 36:10- … Eliphaz the son of Adah the wife of Esau, Reuel the son of Bashemath the wife of Esau.

 

Gen 46:19- The sons of Rachel Jacob’s wife; Joseph, and Benjamin.

 

It might not have been explicitly written in the Scriptures but we see the foundations clearly laid there.

 

And if you check Isaiah 4:1, you’d see:

 

‘And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: ONLY LET US BE CALLED BY THY NAME, to take away our reproach.’

 

So, it might not have been clearly stated in God’s Word that ‘Thou shalt leave your father’s name for your husband’s name…’ but we see the droplets here and there. We see it in the Scriptures, we see it in the culture around us. And it is beautiful. It exemplifies unity and submission to our husbands and it is holy and acceptable to God. We bear the same name and our children bear on the lineages of our husbands.

 

People keep rising up to be rearranging things, fighting against the order of things and raising women who are unsubmissive. But as I always say, I say again: ‘Children of the Lord, don’t lose your heads!’

 

It might not look to you as if it is beautiful or adding anything to your stature or guaranteeing a sweet home but since this is the norm and culture of the land, which is amazing and perfect, even in line with the Scriptures, why fight it? A woman not taking her husband’s name reflects an appearance of defiance and an unwillingness to submit to her husband.

 

ROUNDING OFF

I can actually go on and on but I will love to stop here with this summary:

 

Scripture says that when you become married, you become one flesh with your husband. Changing your name to his reflects that fact.

 

Changing your name indicates that you are making a permanent, life-long commitment to your husband, and will henceforth be identified as being inseparably linked to him.

 

Changing your name to his indicates that you affirm the biblical pattern of your husband being the head of your marriage and household.

 

Changing your name to his indicates that you are following the precedence of Adam who named his wife, Eve, TWICE!

 

Here is my submission.